The empty page called to me: write it all out. All of the frustrations with last year. All of the hopes and dreams you hold for the new year. Write!
I wrote a long list, at least a page long. It took a couple of hours, but at least I was done. Most of the resolutions listed included vague goals like read my Bible more or be a better friend. That list lasted maybe a couple of days at best, and at fourteen years old, I already knew that resolutions were a waste of time.
Five years ago, I started reevaluating my parenting. I saw a need and realized that unless I changed, my parenting wouldn’t. Instead of a long list of vague goals, though, I picked one word that embodied the person I desperately wanted to become: intentional. I did not become intentional in a year, but I have become more intentional over time. The words that followed (obedience, shalom, prophetess, and abundance) also shaped my character and habits.
Last week, I shared about my year of abundance. In many ways, I was surprised at how much abundance came from my relationships rather than my comforts in our home. Comfort in the home only comes when we are comfortable with ourselves, and that’s something that only happens when we’re around others who breathe life into us.
It’s a perfect segue into this year’s word: dreamers.
I have fought this word unlike any other. In all honesty, I am afraid to dream or to watch others dream. And at the same time, my husband and I are, in fact, dreamers. We have spent years dreaming with nothing to show for it, and our dreams have led us to a cynical sort of planning for dreams to fail.
But when the Spirit pressed this word onto my heart, I wanted to cry with relief. It feels as though we’re being called to dream again. So why the struggle?
Reality flooded in. That cynical voice inside of my head spoke up and spoke loud. Dream? You dare to dream after all that’s happened to you? It’s better to stay inside and forget about dreaming. Keep your head down. Yes, that’s much safer.
But then a quieter, stronger voice whispered, Yes, dream. Keep dreaming. Keep walking forward. This is the hard path that leads to life.
And it has. We are dreaming again. We are loving others again. Finally, after years of betrayal and hurt, our wounds are healing. Once again, we are working with a church plant, but this one bears little resemblance to the last. Here, we are heard. We are valued. We are not pushed or prodded with guilt but appreciated and loved as friends.
2016 was rough, but it brought us to the place where we can dream again. And I am thankful for that.